


One more night

by SuperpowerlessHuman



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: AU af, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Darcy Lewis is Tony Stark's Daughter, F/M, Gen, Illnesses, M/M, Terminal Illnesses, You Have Been Warned, don't know yet, maybe happy end
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-07-18 19:48:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7328071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperpowerlessHuman/pseuds/SuperpowerlessHuman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy has no plans for her future, simply because she's not yet quite sure just how expanded that future will be.</p><p>James has no plans for his future because just recently, he didn't have one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, this happened. I'm not a writer, I've never written anything for fun in my life. But here we are.
> 
> I started learning english a year ago, so if someone's actually reading this, I'll be incredibly grateful for any corrections you may have, really.
> 
> Tenses are my Arch Nemesis.  
> I'm Beta-less, so yeah.

“Janie, I’m bored.“  
“Well, that’s not my problem, is it.”  
“It is, if it means that I will sit here all day and annoy you.” 

Jane looked up from the forms she was filling, “And I will call Natasha and tell her you’re not in your room. And you know how well that’ll go,” she lifted her brows pointedly and pinned Darcy with a judgmental look.

Darcy - laying upside down in the armchair- smiled, “Natasha has a sweet spot for me and you know it.”

Jane shook her head and returned her focus to the paperwork. “Yes, and that’s exactly why she would want you to rest properly after the last seizure. Doctor’s orders,” she stood up, gathered a pile of multicolored folders and checked her watch. “I need to go do afternoon rounds anyway. Shoo, out of my office.” 

“Oh, you’re so busy and important, it’s sexy.” Darcy wangled her brows suggestively and turned around to swagger out of the door, fluffy purple dressing-gown swaying behind her. 

Jane rolled her eyes but the corner of her mouth was twitching. “Shut up.”

 

On her way to the third floor, Darcy made a quick stop in the small psychological support ward.  
Sticking her head into the open door to the common room, she saw Sam arranging cluster of chairs into a circle in the centre of the room and stepped in to help him.

“Hey Sammy, need a hand?” grabbing a chair standing by the door, she dragged it to the half formed circle and plopped down into it.

Sam Wilson added another two chairs to the circle, leaning on one of them with one hand and putting the other on his hip. “And what a great help you are, sweet cheeks. How can I ever repay you?” 

Darcy snorted but winced immediately after. Taking a moment for the sharp pain in her head to fade, she closed her eyes and rested her head on the headrest of the chair, taking a deep breath.  
S  
he heard a creaking of wood as Sam took a seat next to her so Darcy lifted one hand with thumb up, “It’s fine, it’s nothing. I just didn’t get much sleep last night. Tell me what you’ve been up to. I need some gossip. Dish the dirt, Wilson,” she opened her eyes and smirked at him.

Sam leaned back in his chair, “Dirt, sure,” making a face of intense concentration, he folded his arms on his chest “So, here’s one fresh for you - the old lady from the geriatric ward, the one with the purple hair, is wetting her bed again. Heard it just this morning.”

Darcy lifted her brows,” Nice one.”

“Yeah. People haven’t been talking about anything else.”

“I can see why.”

“Also, certain surgeon has been spotted leaving her office in the company of her husband, in seriously disheveled state this morning.”

Darcy’s mouth fell open and she slapped his shoulder, “No WAY! Jane and Thor?! My innocent Jaynie?” She fell back into the chair and let out a short laugh.”Oh man, they grow up so fast. I’m so proud!”

Thinking about it for a second, her face crumpled in disgust. “But also eww, I was in that office just now...” Darcy trailed of and her eyes slowly widened,” I sat in the armchair!” she made a face of horror and Sam burst out laughing.

“Proud of her, are you?”

“You know what, yes. Pride beats hygienic hazard.”

“Fair enough.”

Sam glanced at the clock hanging on the pale blue wall behind Darcy, “Sorry, I have a group session in a few minutes,” standing up, he went to finish arranging the chairs. “You can stay though. You’ve not been to one of these in months.” He turned to her and gave her a meaningful look.

Darcy stood up and fastened her dressing-gown around her middle. “Oh no, I’m good. I think I can do without a long depressing talk about death. I should be heading to my room anyway, before Natasha starts the rounds and spots that my bed is empty.”

She started backing out of the room and lifted two fingers to her temple in a lazy salute.”Say hi to Steve for me.” 

“He’s coming later today to pick me up, we’ll make sure to stop by before leaving.”

“Then I will see you later.”

 

Sam was great. They met two years ago, when she was first diagnosed and had to attend periodical psychological examinations to see how she’s handling it. She went few times but decided she would rather be his friend than his patient.

To be honest, Darcy never really struggled with that. With the “oh god I may die” part. She was more ‘living in the moment’ kind of girl and she figured that if she would spend the rest of her life in fear of what may be, that would be the real tragedy. What will come will come.

So she kept trying to finish her studies – taking lectures when she was well enough to and working on individual plan when she was trapped in the hospital. Which she’s been for the past few months, ever since her first relapse. Still, Darcy kept her optimism.

Her friends helped a lot, especially with the boredom. 

Sam was cool and didn’t fuss over her. Managing only small psychological support ward, he had also lots of time on his hands and he and his soldier boyfriend Steve were often keeping her company. 

Steve was the nicest guy ever, even though he went through hell. Darcy didn’t know all of it, but apparently he’d quit the army after his best friend went M.I.A. Three months ago Steve got a report that they found his friend in one of the prisoner camps and now he’s in an army hospital waiting to be cleared for transport. Understandably, Steve was distraught over the last few months, but despite all of this still great support to her. 

And Jane! Jane was her best friend since forever, so it was nice to have her here almost all the time. Unlike Sam, Jane couldn’t help but smother Darcy with worry from time to time. But she was also much busier as the deputy head of the chirurgic ward, so Darcy mostly hang around Jane while she was doing boring paper work, or sat with her on her lunch break. 

As she was nearing the hall on which was located her room, she could see Natasha, the head of the oncology ward and her primary doctor, talking to her dad.

Shit.

“Hey dad! So lovely to see you,” she came to a stop a few feet from the two of them and looked Tony up and down,”have you lost weight? Or is the the hair? The beard? There’s something new and fabulous about you.”

Tony folded his arms and pinned her with a hard stare, “Oh yeah, it’s the new wrinkles on my forehead and fresh grey hair. Courtesy of my daughter,” he deadpanned.

Darcy shot a dirty look at Natasha, who didn’t seem affected in any way.

“If she’s telling you that I haven’t been resting, she’s full of it, for realsies.”

“Oh, I knew that I was imagining the empty bed just a minute ago.”

“Yeah, well, you’re not getting any younger.”

Tony shook his head but smiled anyway. They’ve been doing this routine for almost two years. Darcy knew that treating her like a ten year old helped him cope. After all, he was just afraid. 

And Darcy hated it. 

He had only her and she knew that since the tumor came back, he was awaiting the worst. Tony had never let it show though. It was just in the way he buried himself in his work and how he’d build this whole fucking hospital wing around her. 

The Howard Stark wing specialized in all sorts of special treatments. Mainly experimental. The last one they tried on her worked, but the tumor started growing again within a month. Well, what can you do.

“I’m just sorry, that I couldn’t find you earlier, kiddo,” Tony said while checking his watch, “have to dash now, we’re testing the new series of prosthetics. But lunch tomorrow?”

“Sure, can you bring Indian?”

“Copy that,” he gave her a quick hug and kiss on the forehead, “See you tomorrow then.”

“See ya,” she watched her dad as he started walking backwards to the lifts.

“Listen to Natasha,” Tony commanded while pointing a finger at Darcy.

She just winked as the lift doors shut in his face.

 

 

“How’s your head?”

“Hurt a bit earlier but is all good now.”

“Vision?”

“Perfect.”

Natasha sighed and shut the folder she was writing in. “Okay, that’s it for today. Just try to stay put, ok? I can still strap you to your bed.”

Darcy, now sitting in bed, leaned back on the pillows and put her hands behind her head. “No problem. Sam and Steve are visiting me later, so I can manage till then.”

When Natasha nudged her legs, Darcy pulled them to her chest, so the doctor could sit in the created space. “I wouldn’t count on that,” she said meaningfully.

Darcy waited for her to elaborate but nothing followed.  
Ugh, she forgot who she was talking to.

“What is it you know, that no one else does?”

“Steve requested that Barnes is brought here when he’s cleared. We got call today, he’s in transport right now.”

“Wow. That’s great? Steve’s gonna be happy,” Darcy wasn’t sure why is Nat acting as if that’s a bad news. 

The doctor nodded slowly, “I just don’t think Steve thought this through. The man lost his arm. He’s been tortured. I’ve read his chart, it’s not going to be easy.”

Before Natasha came to the Stark Hospital, she worked with Doctors without borders, which included a few months in the war zone. Darcy guessed that’s why she was able to keep clear mind in all situations and also the reason for her easy friendship with Steve. They both saw some shit.

Darcy shrugged, “Well, I don’t think Steve expects it to be easy. I get that he’s your friend and you’re worried about him, but he’s been to war too. He just wants his best friend back.

“Yes, that could be the problem.”

“Anyway, why do you know about this? I doubt that he’ll be staying at oncology,” Darcy’s brows lifted questioningly.

“No, he’s going to be Jane’s responsibility. But Fury told me.”

“Of course he did.”

“What?” Natasha widened her eyes innocently, smile playing at her lips.

“The director loves you, you know that. You are his fucking protégé, or whatever.” Darcy made a face, stretching the word protégé theatrically.

Nat stood up and started walking out of the room, swaying her hips “I know nothing”.

“I call bulshit!”

The only answer Darcy got were the rhythmical steps disappearing down the hall.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe that some of you not only read the first chapter, but left kudos as well! Thanks so much, it means a lot, I never expected this.
> 
> I hope you will enjoy this chapter and again, if you will encounter some unforgivable mistake, let me know :)

The next day marked the start of Darcy’s new therapy, so she spend the better half of the week sleeping. Ironically, despite of being out of it 90% percent of the time, she was getting a lot more visits now. Nat would usually wake her up in the evening to check on her and make her eat something, Jane would pop in to chat after her shift ended. 

Her dad was in and out constantly, dropping by to say hi but never really staying long enough to know how she’s faring or, God forbid, to actually witness some of the side effect of the treatment. That was after all the purpose of this whole hospital wing. 

Her very cosy apartment hidden within the walls of this high tech hospital was supposed to give her freedom while being in the attentive care of experts. So Tony wouldn’t have to watch the sickness take over her - and therefore be in denial for a bit longer. Darcy didn’t mind. She used to be in denial too.

More often than not, Sam would be there, reading or working silently - Steve was spending his whole days in hospital now, sitting with Barnes. Darcy wasn’t sure what he was doing there all the time - according to Sam, James, which was his name apparently, wasn’t much into talking right now.

But Sam waiting for Steve to finish for the day meant she got some company, so Darcy wasn’t complaining. 

“Jesus, you actually look worse today.”

Darcy woke up earlier than the days before, feeling pretty fine, so this was kinda low blow. 

She was prepared to sass right back, but taking in Sam’s tired eyes with dark circles underneath and the way he was dragging his feet, she furrowed her brows.   
And still sassed back.

“Do I look worse than you? Because damn. Your boy been keeping you up at night?”

Sam threw himself in the comfy armchair next to her bed and kicked his legs up to rest them on the mattress.

“Oh yeah. Just not in the fun way,” the corners of his mouth lifted fractionally for a second, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He ran his palms down his face and let his head loll back.

Darcy laid a hand on the sock-clad foot resting near her hip to get his attention.

“You ok?”

Sam wiggled the toes under her palm. “Yeah. I mean… I just worry about him you know? About Steve. The nightmares came back. Which is understandable, I guess.” he took a deep breath and held it in for a few moments before forcing it out, ”But you know him. He won’t admit that it’s affecting him.”

Darcy squeezed his foot reassuringly. Steve was a sweet guy but his altruism paradoxically became a burden sometimes, especially for Sam, who had to deal with Steve’s reassuring smiles while knowing his boyfriend is not as okay as he tries to look.  
Also, Wilson was very bad at holding back his therapeutic persona at home, which made it extra hard for him to watch his friends avoiding their problems. 

“You just have to be there for him then. Steve’s a big guy. Reeaally big guy.”

That got a tired laugh out of Sam and Darcy smiled contently, “Do you have a work to do or are you free for a game of Scrabble?” she asked while reaching to the bedside table and picked up a green canvas bag which rattled softly when she gave it a shake.

Sam leaned in, ready to distract himself, but stopped short and narrowed his eyes at the mischievously smiling woman,“But no swear words, Lewis. We already established that it’s cheating.”

“You wouldn’t take away the only thing that makes me happy. Look at that! My first word is ‘dick’, nice.” she spelled it on the board placed beside her and smiled at Sam innocently. 

“Your move.”

 

Darcy was sitting cross legged on examination table, watching the nurse take her blood pressure.

On the other side of the room, Natasha was standing by the large touch screen, sliding her fingers across it from time to time, otherwise just staring at it intently. 

The older nurse finished up and with a kind smile walked off. Darcy started humming quietly and after a while her hands got half mindedly busy with an imaginary guitar. The only other woman in the room had yet to speak.

Darcy untangled her legs and let them dangle over the side of the table, letting out a long sigh. She stared at Nat’s face for two long minutes, her lips pressed together. Another minute and she broke the silence.

“You know I’m still here, right?”

The doctor didn’t take her eyes from the screen, and declared monotonously “I couldn’t forget if I tried. My mind barriers are weakening from your telepathic intrusion.”

Rolling her eyes, Darcy hopped off her perch,” Ha ha ha”. She walked to a desk nearby Nat and plopped herself into the chair belonging to it. “Lay it on me.”

Natasha ran a hand through her curly hair and turned to her patient. “It’s not working-”

“Expected.”

“It should be affecting the tumor already but the scans look the same.”, turning her attention back to the screen, she continued, “We could try prolonging the treatment even though it’s seems not to have any effect. But there’s no way to know how your body will react to that, as this therapy is pretty invasive.” 

Darcy slowly noded, her eyes unfocused and expression thoughtful. 

Natasha started tapping on the screen again as she kept listing the possibilities, “Then there’s another operation, but I wouldn’t recommend that. You could re-enter the radiation therapy, it worked last time.” she fell silent for a moment and Darcy used it to speak up.

“Nat, I don’t think I want to try any of this.”

“Well, we can talk over some other alternatives. Tough I would rethink the radiation, it could at least buy us some time-”

“No, no,” Darcy interjected, “I meant that I don’t want to try anything.”

Understanding crossed Natasha’s face as she turned once again to face Darcy, “I see,” she frowned and slipped her hands into the pockets of her white coat, “Your father knows about that?”

Darcy shook her head, “No. And you will not tell him.”

She was thinking this over for some time. When she was diagnosed the first time, she was quite optimistic, doing everything in her power to get better, taking every pill they gave her, enduring every therapy. Even when she was awake through whole nights throwing up and lost her hair and slept for days she never really considered the possibility of not recovering. But that was two years ago and frankly, she was getting pretty tired. 

It wasn’t that she wanted to die or anything dramatic like that. Darcy just knew that she couldn’t undergo another therapy and another year of her life standing still. She also knew that if she was in a public hospital, the doctors wouldn’t give her many chances after a second relapse. The only reason why they were still looking for new treatments was her dad and she didn’t want to disappoint him. 

So here she was just - existing. 

Halfway through her studies she forgot the reason she decided to choose her major and now it didn’t look like she was ever going to finish them anyway. 

So maybe it was time to let the universe decide. Or some shit like that, right?

Natasha lifted her eyebrows, “I will not?”

Darcy leaned forward, her tone pleading but firm, “I will stay here, everything will stay the same. You can monitor me, I just won’t attend any more treatment sessions.”

“And if Tony asks how’s your therapy going? The whole reason you’re here?”

“Does he ever ask that?”

A beat. “No.” Darcy expected that, he doesn’t want to know. “He only asks how are you feeling.”

“And you won’t have to lie about that. I will have to tell him eventually, all I’m asking is don’t tell on me right now. And that includes everyone else. “

Natasha leaned her hip on the edge of the table Darcy was sitting at, her face not giving away any thoughts. “I’ll be frank. This tumor is still fairly small now, it will take some time and it will hurt. From the location I expect more seizures, memory loss is possible, worsened perception of touch, maybe vision loss.”, walking over to the touch screen, she tapped it a few times, nodding to herself, “My guess is five to six weeks before it will be absolutely impossible to start any kind of treatment.”

Darcy took a moment to take the information in and then stood up, “Thank you, Natasha. I really appreciate you not freaking out.” Natasha gave her a firm nod and Darcy went to open the door.

“Darcy”

Darcy stopped with her hand on the door handle and turned to face the doctor. 

“Just because I’m not freaking out doesn’t mean I support it. Think it over.”

 

Jane and Darcy were sitting on the ground of Jane’s office, their backs leaning against the side of the working desk, each holding a takeout box. It was just past eight and Jane arrived for her night shift. The halls were mostly quiet and most of the daytime staff was preparing to leave.

“And you should’ve seen it, Darce! His lungs were practically liquid, it was awesome,”chatted Jane happily while trying to tame the chopsticks.

“Wow, tell me more about this moldy lungs, please. I can enjoy my meal either way.”

“It has a happy ending, the transplant took well.”

Darcy whistled appreciatively, “Good for Moldy Lung Guy. I hope he and his lungs find happiness together.”

Jane hummed with her mouth full, not even taking her eyes of her meal, “But yeah, the donor is totally dead.” 

Darcy snorted loudly and put the empty paper box on the ground beside her, “Nice, Jane. Your small talk game got a lot better.” 

Jane giggled quietly and glanced at the clock, “I should probably go check everyone and kick Sam’s boyfriend -”

“Steve.”

“-yeah, kick Steve out for the night,” she got up and threw out the empty box, stretching her hands over her head. “You going to bed?”

“Nah, I don’t thinks so. I slept away almost the whole day, I think I will wait for you to finish your rounds and keep you company for a bit.”

At that moment there was a soft knock and and the door opened a crack to make space for Sam’s head that popped into the room.

“Hey, I’m Sam Wilson, I’m here to pick up Steve Rogers, his parents should’ve inform you?”

Jane took her tablet of the desk and turned to the door with serious expression, “Oh yes, Mr. Wilson. You can come with me and collect him.” 

Sam glanced at Darcy who was splayed on the carpet feeding herself noodles one at a time and let out a relieved sigh “Oh, thank God Steve’s not the last kid to go home, I see some of his playmates are still here.”

Darcy flipped him off.

Jane rolled her eyes and addressed the other doctor, “You’re later than usual, busy day?”

Sam nodded, “In the worst possible way - paperwork.” he glanced down the hall over his shoulder, “Do you know how long had he been there?”

“The daytime nurse said he came in around two or so. But later in the evening they had to put Barnes under, when he woke up freaking out. He was sleeping ever since, so I don’t think Steve made any progress today.”

Letting out a long sigh, Sam nodded and looked at Darcy, “You coming? I'm sure Steve would love to see you.”

Darcy wanted to argue that Steve could actually come to visit her anytime he wanted, but looking into Sam’s tired eyes, she decided against it and smiled “Sure.”

 

When they entered the room, Steve immediately looked up from the book he was reading on a small couch in the corner. Beside the couch was a small table with stack of papers and magazines, a large book that Darcy identified as a photo album and a few paper coffee cups.

Darcy looked to the bed, where Jane was checking the monitor readings. The guy in the bed looked dead. Like, not to be offensive but he looked horrible. His hair was longer and matted, lying limply on the pillow. Light stubble was hiding the lower half of his face but she could still tell the corners of his mouth were turned downwards. She knew that he was missing an arm, so her morbid curiosity made her gaze slid to his torso, but to her disappointment the blanket was covering him to his shoulders.

Steve put the book away with a soft thud, which made Darcy look his way. He standed and smiled, reaching to give her a hug. “Darce, It’s nice to see you. How are you?”

“Great,” she mumbled into his shoulder, “You wouldn’t visit me, so I had to stalk you.”

Pulling away he bowed his head sheepishly, “I’m really sorry, it’s just..”

Oh great, she made him feel bad. Darcy put a hand on his forearm gently, “It’s fine, sorry, I completely understand, I was just joking,” she assured him quickly. Glancing back at the bed, she tried to fix it, “How is he?”

Steve followed her line of vision and shrugged, “Better, I think. Most of his injuries are healed, apart from the infection in his arm.”

Darcy nodded, not really knowing what to say.

Sam came up to them, putting his palm on the small of Steve’s back. “Ready to go home?”

Steve hesitated, shifting from foot to foot, “Well, I hoped to stay till he wakes up? He was really upset when he last woke up, so I just wanted to make sure he’s not confused.”

From across the room Jane spoke up, “I’m sorry, the visiting hours are long over. But I can assure you, Mr. Barnes is going to be perfectly fine, just on this floor alone are three very competent doctors, myself included,” she smiled kindly before leaving the room to continue her rounds.

Steve nodded but didn’t move. 

“I’m sure he went through worse things than being alone in a hospital room.”

Oh, jesus, Lewis.

That got her blank stares from the pair. Sam’s lips twitched. Ok, she had no right to criticise Jane’s small talk abilities. Fix it, Darce.

“Um, I could- I could sit with him, if you want?”

Steve watched her carefully, “Are you sure? You should rest too, Darcy. I’m just being unreasonable.” he waved his hand dismissively but his eyes got hopeful. 

She smiled easily and threw herself on the couch Steve occupied earlier, “ It just so happens I slept through the whole day. I have nothing to do anyway and if it makes you feel better, I’ll be happy to do it,” 

The man smiled gratefully and picked up his jacked from the couch’s armrest, “Thank you so much. If anything, call me.”

“Will do, get some rest. Goodnight!”

The pair said their goodbyes and went to leave. Before closing the door, Sam turned to her and mouthed silent ‘thank you’, then shut the door quietly, leaving her alone.

Darcy looked around the room and drummed her fingers on her tights. Kicking her legs up on the couch, she reached for Steve’s abandoned book and opened it on the first page.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say that I'm European and so all the medical procedures and such are taken from my country (with a marvel stretch, of course) and everything that Darcy is dealing with and will deal with medically is based on my personal experiences, so I hope it will be believable for all of you.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’m just gonna put this here, because this chapter was a huge pain in the ass and I just want it off my hands!
> 
> I’m super grateful for every kudos and comment, you have no idea, you guys. I spend too much time smiling at the notifications emails, to be honest.
> 
> I hope your week is off to a good start and maybe this will help a bit ;) And without further ado - enjoy!

Darcy woke up to a considerably darker room, the only light being the small lamp beside her, which she turned on earlier. Rubbing her eyes she looked around for the book that had to be somewhere around. As she sat up a loud thud drew her attention to her feet where the worn paperback was lying now. 

One look at the clock above the door told her that it was just past ten, which meant she slept for a little less than an hour. Yawning, she ran a hand through her hair, glancing around the room -   
And froze.

From the bed that was occupied by the, previously unconscious, man were now watching her two partially opened eyes. 

“Hello,” she tried, smiling and feeling incredibly dumb. How long was he awake? Did she slept through the only reason she was here? Was he having a silent panic attack? 

Oh my God, did she snore?

When even after the few panicked seconds she didn’t get an answer, she tried again.

“I’m, ugh, Steve’s friend? I mean, I’m Steve’s friend.” Yeah, appear like a liar and a possible danger to a traumatized soldier, Darce. “I’m sorry, Steve wanted me to stick around to make sure you’re fine and know where you are, or whatever…” no reaction apart from a slow blink. She realized at that moment that she had no idea what was her exact purpose here, or what’s his condition. Could he even speak?

“You know where you are, right?”

That got her a steady nod and Darcy relaxed a little. Barnes shifted all his weight onto his right side and shuffled to a sitting position. The blanket covering his shoulders slid to his waist and it was now visible that the missing arm was his left. Darcy tried really hard to remember his first name. 

“Anyway, I’m Darcy. I’m a patient here too, I guess.” His brow lifted in a question and Darcy flapped her hand dismissively and melted back into the couch. “Oh, long story, man.”

Now was his turn to look around the room, taking in the darkened sky behind the windows, and after a moment his gaze stopped longingly on a plastic cup and a pitcher of water standing on the bedside table. On the left side of his bed. 

Wow, someone’s good at their job.

Without a word she got up and walked over to pour the cup halfway full before handing it to him. 

After a few seconds of surprised staring, he reached for it with a nod that she interpreted as grateful. Oh my, if all interactions with this man went like this, Steve had to be going crazy about now. She walked around the bed and placed the pitcher on the left side table.

While he was drinking, Darcy noticed the plastic band on his wrist. James B. Barnes. Thank fuck.

“So, I should probably go. Do you need anything else before I leave, James?” 

Another surprised stare, this time more curious and finished with a firm shake of head. Right. 

“Okay, well, it was nice to meet you,” she smiled while walking backwards to the door. Stopping the last time to say, “Goodnight,” before turning around and reaching for the handle.

Just as she pushed the door open, a quiet and raspy, “Goodnight,” returned to her.

Darcy immediately spun around to make sure she didn’t imagine it. James’ lips weren’t moving anymore, but he was watching her and her brain must’ve shorted out from the shock because that was the only explanation for her next words.

“Goodnight,” she repeated stupidly.

A beat. “Goodnight,” he returned again, carefully as if she was brain damaged, his brows furrowing.

They stared at each other wide eyed for a moment, before Darcy played the last minute over in her head and snorted. Clapping her hand over her mouth, she leaned against the door frame, trying to contain her giggles. She felt ridiculous. He was still watching her, but his eyes were more amused than cautious now.

Calming down, Darcy said her “Goodnight,” for the last time, backing out of the door and waiting for an answer.

He didn’t disappoint, his answering “Goodnight,” much more lighter and Darcy could swear that before closing the door completely, she saw the corner of his mouth lift slightly. 

 

 

The hospital cafeteria was more or less empty, as it was not yet noon. Darcy was trying to find a place for her plate between all the papers Jane had spread out across the table. When she didn’t find any, she put the plate of pasta into her lap.

“How was your day off?” 

“Mmmm,” was Jane’s answer and Darcy understood that she will not get anything else out of the doctor until she’s finished whatever it is she is doing, so Darcy digged into her lunch and went to observe the slowly growing mass of people around them. 

She spent the whole of yesterday going from exam to exam, so now she could proudly declare that her summer term was finished. She also met with a few classmates for a coffee and it was brilliant to socialize with other people than the ones in the hospital, but it also left her positively drained as her body not yet fully recovered from the recently ended therapy. 

Darcy couldn’t wait for the side effects to dissipate, so she could enjoy normal activities and life outside her room freely again. Months spent switching between treatments were taking the toll on her social life. 

Between getting to bed around midnight the day before yesterday, thanks to standing guard to James, and having to be up extremely early for her exams, she was happy to let herself sleep in today. Which led her to now, sitting at a table with Jane, eating lunch for breakfast at half past eleven. 

Spotting Sam carrying a food tray and looking for a place to sit, Darcy waved him over, pointing to an empty chair beside her. Looking over the table overflowing with folders and half filled forms, she poked Jane with her fork.

“Take a break, crazy.”

“Just a second.”

Darcy rolled her eyes, “Nope, go get some food. You’re in an eating area, where people go to eat and conversate, work later.”

Jane finally switched her attention to her surroundings and looked around, “What time is it?” 

Reaching for the form Jane was working on at the moment, Darcy put it on a pile with others and pointed at the clock, “It’s taking a break and having a meal time, Janie,” she answered and started putting the papers into a neat piles, careful not to mess Jane’s order.

“Oh.” Jane laid down her pen and stretched, “Thanks, Darce.” she yawned and then smiled over Darcy’s shoulder, “Hey, Sam.”

Sam smiled in greeting and laid his tray in the space Darcy just created, taking the free chair just as Jane stood up and turned to the other woman, “Can I get you anything?”

Darcy shook her head, “I’m good, thanks. Just don’t get sidetracked by work and come back with your lunch,” she called after the departing doctor.

“How did the exams go?” Sam started, drawing her attention to him.

“I talked my way through, my summer officially started. Yay,” she announced, her languid presentation contradicting the meaning of her words, and took another bite of her pasta, chewing thoroughly.

“Wow, you look so excited,” he said while opening a can of soda and pouring it into a glass. When Darcy just shrugged, Sam sighed and leaned back in his chair.

“Look, we talked about this. I don’t get it. Just quit and choose a field you enjoy. It’s not impossible to get into a different post grad program.”

Darcy didn’t rush with her answer, “I know. It just seems like a waste of time. I already spent years getting my bachelors and went to the trouble of studying while in a freaking hospital.”

“Well you can still finish poly-sci. Just take on another major, it’s not like you couldn’t handle it.”

She sighed tiredly, “Just drop it. I just finished an academic year, let me bask in my freedom for a while.”

Sam looked like he had more to say but decided against it, picked up a fork and started eating. Darcy took that as a sign to change the subject, “Soo, how’s your day so far?”

He gave her a look that said ‘I know what you’re doing’, but answered anyway, “Actually pretty good. Had a breakthrough with a patient this morning and I’m meeting Seve for a coffee after lunch, so I dare to say that this day is shaping up to be a good one.”

“Glad to hear it. Although try not to have sex in your office because then you would have an offensively good day.”

Sam chuckled amusedly and took a sip of his soda. “Well, there’s still the therapy session with Barnes I have later, so it can all go to hell real quickly. But the first one usually goes well so fingers crossed.” 

Darcy nodded and lifted a hand, demonstrating the saying with her fingers. “If he’ll be blocked because a strange snoring woman scared him shitless, I want you to know that it has nothing to do with me.”

At this Sam openly laughed, “Yeah, Steve mentioned something about that. Apparently you made an impression. But seriously, thank you again. It saved Steve a night of worrying and therefore saved me a night of worrying about Steve, so we appreciate it.” 

Darcy waved her hand in a ‘no biggie’ gesture but before she had a chance to say something, a food tray, and immediately after it Jane, appeared at the table.

“So how’s the reconstruction going?” Jane asked, addressing Sam.

Sam and Steve decided to move in together like a month ago and were currently in the process of adjusting Steve’s bigger apartment so it fitted both of their needs, while living at Sam’s place. 

Actually the first time Darcy saw the pair in a serious fight was when they were choosing the tiles for their new bathroom.

“Almost done, actually. It should be finished sometime this week so we hope to move in this weekend.”

“That’s great.” Jane enthused and added, “Thor can help with the move if you need.”

“Want to have him out of the house already?,” commented Darcy, making Jane roll her eyes in extremely exaggerated way, “Anyway, Sam, I hope we’re invited to the housewarming party.”

“Sure, but you will probably need to bring your own glass, if Jane’s big guy is helping with the move,” he deadpanned. 

The doctor automatically went to defend her husband, “That’s absolutely-”

Darcy quickly interrupted her mid sentence with a pointed index finger, “Think good and long about your grandma’s china, how it looked before your move and where it is now.”

“-true. That’s absolutely true.”

 

 

Darcy just returned from the regular physiotherapy appointment and threw herself face down on the bed. Her brain was fried from having to follow precise instructions for an whole hour and finding muscles in her body, she never knew were there. The yoga classes were much more enjoyable from her point of view. 

Deciding that she could wind down with knitting - her favoured relaxation technique - to give her mind a rest, she went to make herself some tea.

A knock on the door interrupted her just as she was watering the tea bag in her favourite mug, so she called, “Come in!,” over her shoulder.

She heard the door open and close and then a warm, “Hey, Darce.” and smiled.

“Ahh, the prodigal son returns!” having finished her task, she turns around to give grinning Steve a hug. “Hey you, how’s it going?”

“Great. The condo’s almost finished,” he answered proudly and sat down at the small table with varicoloured chairs, choosing the blue one.

“Yeah, Sam told me. Can’t wait to see it,” picking up her mug she followed his example, settling down across from him. 

“You look good. I’m glad to see this therapy is not draining you like the last one.”

Darcy looked down at her mug, trying extremely hard not to look shifty. “Me too, the sleeping 24 hours a day got old real fast,” she took a sip of her tea, “Also it would be a bummer to puke my way through the summer.”

Steve chuckled, “Well, I remember you puking your way through christmas and it certainly wasn’t because of the treatment.” he said, lifting his brows pointedly.

She moaned, hiding her face in her hands, “Ugh, don’t remind me. Never ever let Sam talk into my drink choices again.”

They both smiled, remembering happy (and for some embarrassing) moments of the past. Darcy lifted the mug to her lips again and before drinking asked, “Not that I’m not happy to have you here, but how’s that you’re not with James?”

“He’s sleeping. The drugs messed up his sleeping cycle, he sleeps most of the day and wakes towards the evening lately,” he looked at his hands, lying idly in his lap and continued, “that’s also what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“About your bro’s sleeping habits?”

Steve smirked, not lifting his eyes, “Well, partly. I mean, I was able to be here most of the time but I should probably… give him some space.”

Darcy studied him intensely over the rim of her mug. The set of his jaw, the downturned corners of his mouth..

“Oh my god, he told you to back off,” her lips were already twitching but Steve’s face gave her the answer and Darcy burst out laughing, “He totally did!”

Steve joined her, letting out an embarrassed laugh, “His exact words were ‘Get a life’, but yeah. It seems that I might have been a bit ... intense.”

Calming down a bit, she gave him a sympathetic look, “Dude, you were sitting there, watching him sleep for the better part of the last two weeks.”

“I know, I know, “ picking at the hem of his shirt, he sighed, “I’m just really glad to have him back.”

At that moment Darcy realized, just how much his friend meant to him. In the relatively short time she knew Steve, there was always something sad about him, despite his kind and cheerful nature. Looking at him now, his whole posture was somehow more relaxed, his smiles easier. She couldn’t even imagine what she would do if something happened to Jane and she was suddenly very happy for the guy. 

Making a point of looking him in the eye to make sure he knew just how much she meant it, she smiled at him, “I know.”

Feeling that it was getting too emotional for her liking, she leaned back in her chair and drummed her fingers on the table. “So how can I help?”

Steve also seemed to compose himself and went to the point, “Well, I’ll considerably reduce my time spend here, but I still think that he should keep in touch with normal life, normal people, get used to it again.” he looked at her hopefully, “Sam agrees. And after you’ve already met and you are here all the time anyway, I thought that you could maybe keep him company sometimes?”

Darcy lifted one brow and cocked her head to the side, “You know I love meeting new people and everything but I’m not really sure he would like to hang out with me. He was not too eager to chat last time.”

“It just takes him some time, he didn’t really had a chance to socialize over the last few months,” his expression got grim for a moment, his eyes clouding before focusing back on her “But try it, I think you will really get on. Just be patient.”

Darcy smiled, “Of course, it’s not like I don’t want to, I was just concerned for his mental health - not everyone is able to bear an extended period of time with me.”

“Oh right, maybe I should think it over.” 

Laughing she standed up to put away her empty mug, “You spend too much time with your boyfriend, Steve Rogers.”

 

 

She was the worst. It was half past ten and Darcy was standing in the common room in front of the vending machine, deciding on how much chocolate is too much. 

If she buys a whole bar she will eat it for sure and then she’s going to feel sick. Not that it ever stopped her before. 

On the other hand, she couldn’t remember the last time she had a craving for a food and she just really wanted a whole bar of chocolate.

As she stood in the silent room, facing this incredible dilemma, she caught a movement from the corner of her eye. Looking up, she was met by the sight of James, clad in sweatpants and a loose t-shirt, his feet covered only with socks. 

They stared at each other, which seemed like a tradition at this point. 

Darcy’s eyes lit up. “Do you like chocolate?” she blurted out, eager for him to answer.

His brows furrowed, expression getting thoughtful as if she just gave him a code to decipher, so she continued.

“You see, I reeaally want some chocolate but if I eat all of it, I’m gonna die so I’m looking for a partner in snacking to reduce the chances of me falling into a sugar coma,” she looked him seriously in the eye and slowly, like one would recite an oath, asked, “Do you consent to be this accomplice?”

A series of various emotions crossed James’ face in the span of a few seconds, the last Darcy read as amusement, before adopting the same serious expression and he answered in a calm grave voice, “I do.”

“Yes!,” Darcy spun around to face the vending machine again and her eyes flew across the selection of sweets. “So which one? Any preferences?”

She heard him come closer to stand beside her and take in the colourful packages behind the glass. 

“With nuts?” he offered slowly, sounding uncertain.

“Ooh, good choice!” the coins already put in, Darcy punched the code and collected the flat rectangle. Ripping the packaging open, she broke off a small piece and motioned for him to do the same.

Putting the small square in her mouth, she closed her eyes, “Oh man, this is heaven. It’s been months since I last had chocolate. I missed it.”

“Me too,” he answered pensively, eyes unfocused, “Don’t know why I haven’t got some sooner.”

Darcy studied him, his jaw working as he savoured the sweet. “Well, that would be because you were under the watchful eye of Mother Hen Rogers. I bet he made you eat all your vegetables.”

His eyes lifted back to her face and his lips lifted in a genuine smile. Darcy couldn’t help but note how much it transformed his face. 

“So James, tell me, what’s your favourite kind of candy?”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been longer then intended and I'm sorry for that, I've been too tired to think in another language recently.
> 
> It's a bit late fot this announcement I guess but here it is anyway: This story is not yet finished and even tough I have a rough story line written down, I myself am not sure how it will end. I think it's pretty obvious that seriously angsty ending is possible, but sadly that's all I can say to that. 
> 
> So please, be aware of that and take care of yourselfs! 
> 
> And again, thank you to all of you, leaving kudos and comments, it means the world!

Darcy yawned and opened one eye, before promptly shutting it again. She didn’t close the curtains last night and now she’s gonna pay for it.

Turning to her other side, her back to the windows, she tried again and carefully blinked her eyes open, locating her phone on the nightstand and reached for it.  
The screen told her it was close to ten and she had a text from her father.

_Hey kiddo, brunch, 10-ish?_

She looked at the time again. 9:54.

 _Meet you at Upstream in 15_

She clicked send and rolled out of the bed to start her morning routine.

 

 

Entering the small cafe right across the street, she immediately spotted Tony at their table by the window. They frequented this place from the day it opened about a year ago and Darcy loved their banana pancakes. 

Tony saw her approaching and smiled from his cup of coffee, her own cup and plate of pancakes waiting across from him. 

“Well good morning, sleepyhead,” Tony raised his coffee in greeting.

Sliding in the chair with a content sigh Darcy eyed the food with appreciation, “Good morning indeed.” 

Inhaling the bitter aroma of the coffee, she took a sip and closed her eyes. This is the shit.  
Making noise of excitement, she pulled the plate of pancakes closer and dug in. Now that her stomach was acting more like an body organ and not a sprinkler system, she had a whole new appreciation for food. After a few moments of enthusiastic chewing, she looked up to see her dad watching her with his chin propped in the palm of his hand.

“Wha?” she mumbled with a full mouth.

Tony smiled widely, “It’s just good to see you having an appetite, eating and everything,” his eyes turned to the ceiling in a look of fake nostalgia, “ Aw, you’re so grown-up, knowing how to use a fork. I’ve done something right.”

Darcy chuckled but couldn’t help the sharp pang of guilt in her chest. She didn’t want to examine that so instead she stuffed another bite into her mouth and pointed her fork at Tony.

“And where’s your food?”

“I’m technically still working and you know-”

Not giving him a chance to finish the sentence Darcy turned around and waved at the waitress just passing them, “We’ll have another plate of pancakes please, Viv!”

“Got it, Darce. Double order for the older man by the window,” the woman winked at Darcy and disappeared in the kitchen.

 

 

After she said goodbye to Tony, Darcy decided to take a walk and by the time she was nearing the hospital again, it was close to one in the afternoon.

She felt better than ever. She wasn’t tired or nauseous, shared a great food with her dad and could feel the sun on her face. Darcy was also glad she finally had something to report to Steve, who was texting her every two hours to ask if she made a contact with James yet and how did he seem. Rogers really needed a hobby. 

From her point of view, Barnes seemed to be as well as any one-armed ex-war-prisoner could. Well, it wasn’t like she did some in depth psychological tests on him or like the night was chatted away and Darcy had a new bestie now. They spent together half an hour at most - until the whole chocolate was eaten - during which Darcy found out that James could be maybe as sarcastic as she was, loved the combo of chocolate and biscuit and actually wasn’t much of a talker, it seemed. 

Though she did notice the way he seemed to get lost in another reality every few minutes. Like if he was just floating around enclosed in his personal bubble.

Darcy didn’t particularly enjoyed that disconnected look as she could see it pretty often on the people in the hospital halls. Usually it came with very raw awareness of their life situation. If you are forced to acknowledge your mortality, paradoxically it gives you a certain sense of timelessness and detachment. In short, death makes everyone a philosoph. 

Darcy rolled her eyes at her own thoughts and pushed through the heavy door into the hospital. Spotting Natasha by the reception, glaring at a pile of forms, Darcy tried to stealthily made her way to the elevators to avoid the third degree.

“Darcy!” Not such luck.

Smiling widely, Darcy turned to face the doctor, who stopped glaring at the papers and was now glaring at her. 

“Hey, Nat! Didn’t see you there, how are you?”

“Great,” was the answer, though Nat’s expression not really screaming ‘I’m having a great time’. “How’s your head?”

“Perfect, not feeling anything,” Darcy answered as brightly as possible, trying to project some positivity on the pensive doctor. “Well, not like… anything. I feel stuff but, you know, not feeling pain.”

“Vision?”

“As perfect as can be expected with three diopters.”

“Discomfort?”

“None.”

Natasha studied Darcy for a few more moments before nodding, “Okay, just remember you have the overall tests tomorrow morning. How’s Tony?”

Darcy waved her hand in the air, “Same. He’s going to some rich people convention this week, so that will probably piss him off big time. Or lift his spirits big time. Depends on how much will they flatter him. Where are you heading?”

Nat checked her watch, “It’s wednesday. You coming?”

Oh yeah. Wednesdays were volunteer days. People coming in to play boardgames with seniors, perform puppet shows for the children and generally entertain patients bored out of their minds. Darcy sort of founded a reading club for kids by accident a few months ago and after a few weeks of pretending she hated it, it became the highlight of her stay in hospital.

“Oh sure. I haven’t see the terrified face you make when a kid is talking to you for a long time. I miss it.”

 

 

So Darcy was exhausted. After the reading, she stayed to play with the kids and chat with a few familiar faces. An old lady who thinks Darcy is her granddaughter; Stan, the grandpa with whom she has an ongoing chess competition. The afternoon turned into evening and after reading a bedtime story in every room in the children’s ward, Darcy was making her way home through the long hospital halls. 

Passing the common room on the second floor, Darcy spotted a familiar figure through the room’s glass walls. James was there in the same clothes as the night before, but this time in a soft hospital slippers, sitting on the big sofa, an open packet of chocolate beside him. For a brief moment Darcy wondered how he opened it.

Making her footsteps louder to make her arrival clear, she stopped in the doorway and knocked softly for a good measure. 

“Having cravings?”

Looking up at her from staring at his knees, he smiled a bit sheepishly.

“Yeah. Since we brought it up yesterday, I craved the one with biscuit.”

“Oh man, me too!” she entered the room and made a few steps closer to him, but stopped abruptly, not sure if he wanted company.

Apparently understanding her hesitation, he pushed the chocolate further from his side invitingly.

“Also I owe you half of a chocolate.”

Relieved, Darcy plopped herself down on the other side of the packet and broke of a piece of the sweet which she immediately put into her mouth. James followed her example and now the only noise in the room was the soft crunching. Sighing contently, Darcy leaned back into the sofa, enjoying the calm after hours spent in the company of chatty kiddos. 

“You’ve got a kid?”

Turning her head in his direction, Darcy frowned in confusion, “What?”

James nodded towards her legs and looking down, she saw a small orange handprint adoring her jeans just above the knee. 

Brushing her fingertips over the paint in a vain attempt to erase it, she shook her head, “Oh god no, no. I was just sort of babysitting on the first floor,” 

Now it was his turn to frown, “So you’re a nurse?”

Cocking her head to one side, Darcy folder her arms across her chest, “How come that yesterday was our conversation basically my monologue and now you’re full of questions?”

James shrugged, “I just don’t talk when I have nothing important to say.”

“Oh, that’s deep,” she smiled and took another piece of chocolate, “anyway, not a nurse. I just live here.”

His brows almost touched his hairline, “You mean you live close by?”

“No, I mean literally live here. In an apartment. With furniture and stuff. My grandfather founded this hospital and my dad owns it, so I get a rent free living near all my best friends. Like Greta in geriatrics. Great girl, she just got a hip implant.”

He stared at her for a second, maybe trying to decide if she’s pulling his leg, “You’re serious.”

“As a heart attack,” Darcy snorted, “Sorry, hospital humor. But tell me something about yourself. What do you do to not die of boredom?”

“Talk about my feelings with Steve’s boyfriend.”

She was interrupted by the buzz of her phone in her pocket, signaling an incoming text. The sudden sound startled James a little, but when Darcy saw it wasn’t having any lasting effect, she reached into her pocket.

Reading over the text, she chuckled to herself and rolled her eyes before typing a quick answer and putting the phone back. James lifted his brows questioningly.

“Steve. I didn’t answer his last text so he’s freaking out a bit.”

The corner of his mouth lifting, James nodded. “He can be a little overprotective.”

Darcy turned to him, resting her cheek on the back of the sofa. “Right. I suppose you know something about that.” 

“Oh yeah. He always looked after everyone but himself. Punk.”

She laughed, “Well, he has Sam to look after him now.”

“And God knows it’s not an easy job. He drove me crazy when we were kids, but when he joined the army too - man.”

Shuffling excitedly closer, she exclaimed, “Oh my, I totally forgot you known each other that long, please, please, please, tell me you have some embarrassing stories about him.”

James’ eyes glinted.

 

After an hour of swapping childhood stories, Darcy literally cried from laughter. Oh boy, did she have some good ammo against Steven. From childhood they moved to favorite movies and found out they shared a love for classic westerns.

Darcy was currently enthusing over Once Upon a Time in the West.

“And he’s just so cool during all this. It’s the best,” she gestured wildly, her eyes excited.

“It’s been ages since I saw any movie, but I don’t think I was ever so excited about one.”

“Then your watching technique is wrong.”

 

Calming down from another laughing fit, she wiped at her eyes and checked her watch, sighing.

“It’s almost midnight and I have to be up early tomorrow, so I should probably call it a night.” 

“Yeah, me too.” James agreed and stood up, offering her his hand to help her to her feet.

Taking it, Darcy smiled at him, “Well, thank you for an illuminating conversation, James.” 

“Bucky.”

She turned to snatch the empty chocolate wrapper and crumpled it in her hand before looking back at him, “Hm?”

He cleared his throat, “Bucky. That’s what my friends call me.”

Her answering smile was dazzling, “Well, good night, Bucky,” she said, turning to leave but stopped in the doorway and spun back to face him, “Same time tomorrow? Chocolate is on me.”

“If nothing better comes up,” 

“Then good night.”

“Good night.” 

Exiting the door and walking along the glass wall, Darcy mouthed another “Good night,” at him.

Letting out a short and surprised laugh, Bucky murmured one last good night to the silent room.

 

 

Darcy was seated in her usual spot in Jane’s office - the big red armchair. One leg perched on the armrest, she was squinting on her toes, trying to paint just her nails and nothing else. 

“God, I would kill for something with sugar. Something fluffy,” said Jane from her own spot behind the desk.

Not glancing up from her task, Darcy hummed, “Well, your shift is ending in just few minutes, the bakery down the street is open till eight, I think. Dinner as good as any.”

Jane shut her laptop and stood up from the table, “Not a bad idea,“ taking off her white coat, she hang it over the chair and stretched, “Ooh, do you remember the peanut butter brownies you made for my birthday, when was it, like a two years ago? That was heaven.”

Darcy blew lightly onto her toes and shrugged, “I’m sure they sell those brownies somewhere,” then stopped and shook her head, “That was actually quite possibly the last time I baked, can you believe it?”

Darcy haven’t bake for - oh god, so long. She used to deal with everything through baking. There was happy baking, stress baking, insomniac baking, celebration baking, study baking and the fun but messy drunk baking. It didn’t hurt that she had a sweet tooth and whatever was the reason for her bake session, the outcome was welcomed always.

But there was time when she was too week to get out of bed and time when just the smell of the baking goods made her gag and then she had to cut most of the good stuff from her diet and she just forgot how much she enjoyed it.

“Banana bread!”

Jane threw her phone into her bag and frowned, “What?”

Darcy jumped up and carefully slid into her flip flops, “I wanna make banana bread. You’re coming for breakfast tomorrow morning, don’t eat anything.”

“Okay?” 

Already skipping out the door, Darcy waved over her shoulder, “Bye Jaine, say hi to Thor!”

 

Finding her favorite playlist for baking on her ipod, Darcy pulled her hair into a bun on the top of her head and set out to work. 

She fell into the familiar rhythm of mixing and whipping, swinging her hips to the beat of the music and humming to herself. In just a few minutes there was a loaf of sweetly smelling bread browning in the oven.

The sweet aroma made her giddy with fondness for the rediscovered hobby. 

After the bread has cooled, Darcy sliced it into a neat pieces and put them into a plastic box. She had someone to test it on.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! It's been too long. I'd got some hate on tumblr, regarding my english and my writing, so it took me some time to motivate myself into writing (because I'm a big whimp :D)
> 
> But the next chapter is here, so I hope you'll enjoy it! 
> 
> I don't know how I do it, but I always write down a painfully detailed lay out for the chapter and then enthusiastically ignore it. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Thank you for all the love it means more than you know!

Bucky, sitting on the ground with his back against the couch Darcy was currently lounging on, frowned on the TV screen.

“Why would he g-”

“Shh. Watch,” Darcy cut him off promptly and reached into the bowl of popcorn that was wedged between her hip and Bucky’s shoulder.

Over the last week and a half, they established a routine. It included late nights, - he was avoiding nightmares, she enjoying every hour of the day - sweets, - sometimes baked by Darcy, sometimes chosen from the vending machine - few movies, some books. Oh yeah, and one panic attack.

 

_Darcy was humming to herself, her flip flops making smacking sounds that carried down the long hall. She promised Bucky a berry pie and was holding a plate with few pieces. She was pretty proud of it. The strips of dough lied on top were even and crispy, the smell was amazing._

_Reaching the common room and spotting Bucky already sitting on the couch, she stretched her hands, presenting the plate proudly in front of her._

_“Ta-daah!”_

_When she got no response, she looked at him more closely. His eyes were unfocused, digging into a spot on the ground, his right hand was fisting the seat of the couch, chest heaving. Small tremors were going through his whole body and sheen of sweat was visible on his forehead. She had no idea how long he’s been here alone._

_“Bucky?”_

_At this his eyes snapped to hers before closing tightly, his breathing getting louder._

_Darcy was no stranger to panic attacks, but she had very little experience with war veterans. Like, does it play a role? Is he in pain? Should she just leave? Should she call Sam? Her mind was racing and she was trying to stay calm. But then Bucky made a choking sound a it was decided._

_As slowly as possible, she set the plate on the small table standing a step away from her and wiped her palms on her jeans._

_“Bucky,” she addressed him again and waited for a reaction. She got a small nod so she decided to roll with it._

_“I’m coming closer, okay?”_

_Her flip flops making sure her approach is heard, Darcy came to his right side - she found out he preferred that. Bucky seemed focused on getting his breathing under control, so she didn’t speak and carefully sat herself beside him. Thinking over all the times she was in his place, Darcy tried to remember things that helped her._

_Still moving cautiously, she inched her left hand to cover his right, that was clutching the couch cushions. When that didn’t make things worse, she shifted closer so the whole length of her torso was touching his, making sure he could feel her body move with the calm breaths she was taking._

_Darcy wasn't sure how long they sat there like this. She kept her mind focused on their breathing, that was know calmer, the tremors shaking his body now gone. His hand released the cushion and clumsily grasped her fingers, gingerly squeezing them._

_Letting out a relieved sigh, suddenly feeling exhausted, Darcy dropped her head onto Bucky’s shoulder._

_“I know my baking is like, amazing. But this is the first time someone got a seizure from the anticipation.”_

_Bucky choked out a laugh._

 

Darcy found out an hour and half ago that Bucky actually never seen The Sixth Sense so they were correcting that now. Just as she was making him read the Harry Potter books. 

_“Oh Jesus fucking Christ, Barnes! How old are you?”_

_“I think I saw some of the movies.”_

_“Oh my god!”_

It wasn’t like he didn’t have the time.

Darcy herself taken to spending more time visiting other patients and taking walks around the city, meeting with friends whenever it was possible. It wasn’t like in the movies, she didn’t have a list of extreme things to do. It was more like taking the smallest things she enjoyed in her life before and filling whole days with them.

She had spent hours sitting in the park watching people passing by, reading in cafés, eating one piece of cake after the other, making playlists for every mood she ever had and baking weird experimental sweets. Had long conversations about either literally nothing, or the world peace with her dad, sat in Jane’s office on the armchair in the corner and distracted her from work, watched Sam and Steve doing eyes at each other over lunch.

She always came back to tell Bucky all about it tough.

And he always listened. Even if she was just describing all the weird dogs she saw that day. 

_“I swear, the fattest sausage dog I’ve ever seen.”_

_“Steve got his ass bitten by one of those.”_

_“I can see it.”_

Despite the initial awkwardness, she enjoyed their evenings. She promised to teach him to ‘watch movies the right way’ (against his will) and was failing on step one (don’t guess the plot),

_“Stop it. I can see the wheels in your brain working.”_

_“Then look away.”_

In turn she wanted Bucky to teach her to catch a thrown popcorn into her mouth. 

He was failing too.

She was actually having fun.

 

 

“I swear, I thought I’m gonna kill him,”

Darcy chuckled, “Well, you’re all moved now, it’s gonna be all rainbows and shit. I’m happy for you guys.”

Steve smiled and looked into his coffee, “Thanks.” He skimmed his eyes over people in the park, walking by the bench their were sharing and then threw her his mom look. “And how are you?”

She put her elbow on the backrest of the bench and squinted into the sun. “Peachy keen, Avril Lavigne, I’m enjoying my summer. You know, because normally I’m soo busy.“ 

They sat in silence for a while, listening to the buzz of the city muted by the tree crowns, before Steve spoke again.

“Bucky talks about you a lot. I think it’s helping him. Having a new friend.” 

Darcy hummed, “He also doesn’t have anyone else to talk about, except for the hospital staff,” she took a sip from her own take-away cup, “but they should clear him for the ‘outside life’ pretty soon, right?” 

“He’s been cleared for some time, actually.”

“Really?”

“You didn’t know? When he told me he’s taking walks around town I thought you’re going together.”

Darcy frowned, “No. No, we’re not,” 

Shrugging, Steve smiled tightly, “Either way, I’m really happy he gets out. It’s a progress.”

“Hmm,” Darcy answered half mindedly.

It wasn’t that he didn’t told her, they didn’t talk about these things. Or that he didn’t invited her to join him. But he always listened with such an intense concentration to her when she was telling him about her day and about weird shit like the colors of the pigeons. 

She was a woman on a mission.

 

 

Not waiting for an answer after her knock, she barged into the room, arms folded on her chest.

“You lied to Steve.”

James, sitting cross legged on his bed, looked up from The Prizoner of Azkaban, “What?”

“You told Steve you’re going outside, when I’m pretty sure that you’re not.” 

When he only lifted his eyebrow, Darcy continued, “Am I wrong?”

Bucky leaned back, expression neutral, “You’re not.”

She nodded, “Is it an anxiousness issue? Be honest.”

His defiant attitude melted into surprise. They never discussed any issues, his or hers, that directly.

They stared at each other for what felt like ages. Then he took a deep breath and let it out again, “It’s not about that.”

Darcy waited and he looked up at the ceiling briefly, ”I just don’t see the point, “ he shrugged.

She let out an overdramatic sigh, “Oh my, you’re such a grump. If you’ll only stare into a wall you won’t see the point in anything.”

Bucky rolled his eyes at her and she sat down on his bed. “What page are you on?”

He blinked at her a few times, taken aback by the change of topic, not expecting her to drop it so soon. Then turned the book around for her to see the writing. 

Her eyes scanned the page quickly, “Ooh, then don’t let me interrupt you, it’s gonna get real interesting now!” And getting comfortable, she stretched her legs in front of her and stared at him expectantly.

He stared back.

“You gonna watch me read?”

“I want to see your reaction,” she answered, unfazed.

“I’m not reading with you staring at me.”

She rolled her eyes and reached out her hand, “Then give it, I’m going to read it to you.”

There was a lot of staring going on today.

“Aloud?”

Darcy snatched the book out of his hand and laid it on her thighs, eyes already on the pages, “That’s how you usually read a book to someone, isn’t it?”

And started reading.

 

 

The sky outside the windows was diming now and neither of them wanted to get up to switch the lights on, so they sat in the darkening room, leaning against the footboard and headboard of the bed respectively.

“And you never thought about changing schools?”

Darcy shrugged, picking at the buttons on her dress. “Few times. After I’ve been here some time. I felt I should put my experience where it would help someone, applied to a major in psychology. But it was just … I don’t know, didn’t work out, doesn’t matter.” 

“You’ve been a patient here,” Bucky stated, brows furrowed.

Her eyes snapped to his, “Oh, right. Yeah, I was,” she waved her hand in the direction of the door, “just to be clear that’s why I live here, okay. I’m not that crazy.” 

“But you’re not anymore? A patient,” Bucky asked, frown deepening.

The corner of her mouth lifted, “No, I’m not.”

He gave one firm nod, his lips curling in a content smile, “That’s good.”

Darcy mirrored his smile and watched her fingers trace the blue stripes on the hospital sheets. She heard steps pass outside the door, echoing down the long hall. 

“What’s the real reason for not going outside?”

Bucky’s eyebrows shot up almost to his hairline, his eyes widening comically. After a beat he let out a surprised laugh and shook his head, his eyes searching hers, “You’re really something, do you know?”

“Yes. Yes, I do,” she said with a proud face.

He dropped his head back to rest on the wall behind him, thoughts spinning behind his eyes.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me. Just - you don’t have to lie to Steve, he just worries.”

Bucky let out a sigh, closing his eyes, “I know.”

Darcy smirked and nudged his foot resting next to her hip, “Don’t brood too much,” then hopped of the bed and slipped back into her sandals, “I’ll probably call it a night today, see you tomorrow?”

His eyes followed her to the doors as he nodded, “Goodnight”

“Goodnight,” she answered, swinging the door open before turning around and waiting, brows lifted in invitation.

Chuckling under his breath, he complied, “Goodnight.”

One dazzling smile and “Goodnight” and she was gone.

 

 

Still humming, she squeezed the excess water from her hair and opened the shower door. Stepping out, Darcy wrapped the towel around her and grabbed her glasses from the vanity. Putting them on, she swiped her palm over the fogged up mirror. 

Except that the mirror stayed fogged. 

She tried again. 

The back of her hand blended into the mirror, her vision a dimmed white.

_Fuck._

Letting the curse under her breath, she squeezed her eyes shut, bowing her head in concentration. Opening her eyes brought a dancing black spots.

Reaching out and feeling for the door frame, she exited the bathroom, her hands following the wall that led to her kitchen.

Where’s her fucking phone. 

Her mind went to the SOS button in her bathroom. Well, you’re really brain damaged, Darce. The next one’s next to the fridge. Maybe. She haven’t used it in a long time.

Blinking her eyes rapidly, she spotted the outline of the kitchen counter and went to follow it to the other side of the kitchen. Sharp pain erupted through her whole skull, making her launch herself on the counter for support, before fading into a low tingle. Oh, she hated those.

Putting her hands flat on the surface, her left palm hit a small rectangle. Thank god.

Trying to clear her vision with blinking to no effect, Darcy blindly pressed the speed dial on her phone, putting it to her ear.

It picked up after the first ring.

“Head?” demanded Natasha through the device.

“Three, four max.”

“Vision?”

“Eight.”

“Hold on.”

 

 

 

Jane was leaning against the desk, observing Natasha as she was giving orders to Darcy, who was sitting once again on the examination table.

“Now lift your left.”

Darcy complied, lifting her left hand.

“Make a fist. Now lift separately each finger. Good. And wave.”

Natasha studied Darcy as she followed every request, taking notes and then noded. 

“Okay, that cleared pretty quickly, but I want you observed. You will sleep on this floor today and tomorrow we will see.” 

Darcy just nodded, feeling drained. Natasha clicked few times on the screen next to her desk and motioned to Jane.

“Room 209 should be free, so you can keep an eye on her. Make sure to write it down for the nurses and the morning staff. But I will probably stay through the morning to check on her anyway.”

As they were leaving the room, Natasha was tapping away on the screen again, uttering a distracted goodbye at them.

Jane was silent during the trip to the room and through the process of putting Darcy to bed, a deep wrinkle between her brows. Once Darcy was comfortable, Jane sat on the bed next to Darcy’s, her eyes focused on a spot on the floor.

Darcy shifted in the bed so she could face Jane a little better. 

“You know.”

Jane lifted her eyes from the ground, her head cocking to the side, “Know what, Darcy?”

Darcy’s gaze fell to her hands, lying idly in her lap.

The doctor took a deep breath, but despite the preparation her voice stayed quiet, 

“I saw you file. There was no record of ongoing treatment. The last one ended almost three weeks ago. **Three weeks** ,” her voice raised on the last two words, so she took a few calming breaths and continued, her voice even quieter and more focused now. 

“I’m not going to shout, even though I want to. I’m not even going to cry right now, even though I know I’m going to later. Because we’re in a hospital and it’s a fucking night.”

When Darcy looked up to meet her gaze, she could see a glistening of forming tears and agitation more than anger. But mainly hurt.

“And I want to shout and cry but not to reprimand you or make you feel guilty, Darcy. Because this is not about me. Because even though I may not like the outcome, I know that it’s your life and your decision. And I’ve known you for long enough to believe that whatever you decide is not a lightly made verdict.”

Jane took another deep breath, “But despite the hours I spent with you when you were sick and bed bound, despite all the nights during which we talked about death and I listened to your every worry and your fear. Despite all that you thought that you are in this alone and that you can’t talk to me.”

Wiping at her eyes, she smiled at Darcy who’s eyes were now brimming with tears too, and her lips lifted in a sad watery smile. “And of course I will try to talk you out of it and will list you every possible treatment and glare at Nat for not kicking your ass in the first place. But I’m always firstly your friend, Darce. Always will be, whatever happens.”

Darcy choked out a laugh and reached out to take Jane’s hand into hers.

She was berating Bucky for lying to Steve just this afternoon and never realised how similar their situations were. They both had friends who loved them and wanted to be there for them and they were mucking it all up by being stubborn.

“I’m so sorry, Janie. You are the bestest friend a gal can wish for and I keep forgetting it, huh?” scooting to the side in her bed, she patted the space next to her, “Will you forgive me?” 

Jane took the offered place and laid down next to Darcy, squeezing her hand, “Of course I do, you crazy weirdo.”

“You love me,” Darcy sighed tiredly, and yawning immediately.

Jane chuckled, “I do. And you love me too.”

“That’s true. My bestest bestie in the whole world”

“Shut up”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> Firstly, I was so blown away by the kind and suportive response on the last chapter! It helped a lot and I really enjoyed reading about your thougths and opinions. So thank you again to all of you who left kudos and comments :)
> 
> I'm changing jobs and schools and also moving (ha), so updates will continue to be slower so, sorry about that, but don't worry, the next chapter is already a work in progress.
> 
> So happy reading, feedback is always welcomed!

Darcy was beat. It didn’t matter that her only accomplishment for this day so far was opening her eyes. The blinds were shut and in the dimness they created Darcy couldn't see the clock above the door very clearly, but the soft light reaching into the room from underneath the door and the busy noises of the hospital halls told her it must be long after dawn.

Mentally checking for pain or soreness in her body, Darcy spotted an IV tube trailing to her hand that wasn’t there the night before. Other than that, she came to a conclusion that it’s safe to move. Rolling just her head first, to ease the stiffness of her neck, her eyes landed on the figure slumped in the armchair.

“Hey, kiddo.”

“Hey,” smiled Darcy, closing her eyes again as Tony leaned in to kiss her forehead.

“How’re you feeling?” he asked, sitting back into the chair but leaning forward, his elbows resting on his thighs.

Darcy slowly sat up, looking around for a glass of water and finding it on the bedside table. Taking a sip, she rested her head against the wall behind her and sighed, “Good. But I went to bed with damp hair, so I’m kinda afraid of how that turned out,” turning her gaze to her dad, she gestured to the top of her head, “be honest.”

Tony’s mouth quirked in a small smile, before he squinted at her thoughtfully and winced, “Like honest, honest?”

Darcy snorted and shook her head, “What time is it anyway?” and put the now empty glass back down, “Wait, aren’t you supposed to be at a conference in Warakakanda or something?”

“It’s half past four in the afternoon and I _was_ in Wakanda.”

Darcy scrunched her face in annoyance, “Half past four - like almost evening? Oh man.” picking at the plaster keeping the IV needle in place, she asked, “Jane called you?”

Tony nodded, his gaze dropping to his feet. 

“You didn’t have to come, I’m okay. Natasha said it was fairly small one.”

He nodded again, eyes not lifting from the ground. Darcy watched his jaw work and nudged his shoulder, “What?”

Finally looking at her he gave her a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, “I’m just glad you’re fine.”

As she reached for his hand to give him a comforting squeeze, Darcy couldn’t help but think that he never looked older.

 

 

Few hours and several tests later, and Darcy was sitting on the couch in the common room, staring at the ugly carpet. 

After her talk with Jane, she felt enormous relief. She never kept things from Jane and being finally able to let go was amazing. It also helped that Jane seemed understanding. Darcy of course wasn’t naive - she knew it’s not going to be that easy, but the first step was made and that was a progress. 

She was extremely ashamed to admit it, but she realized just now that during the last few weeks, she never thought of Jane. Or her dad. Or anyone for that matter. 

Maybe she shouldn’t feel bad about it. Or should she?

Of course she thought her decision to end the treatment through and through, but never really got to the part where she announced it to others. Which was really stupid in retrospect, it was inevitable. Maybe she could just pack up and leave to Puerto Rico or something. She could take Greta from geriatrics and Stanley from oncology with her. And Bucky, Bucky would come too. And Jane with Thor. And her dad and Steve a-

Yeah, that’s not gonna work. 

Darcy dropped her head into her hands and let out a long groan. This is a mess. 

She thought about her dad flying across several continents and a few time zones to be there for her when she wakes up and her chest suddenly felt too tight around her heart. 

Oh my god. How could she be so fucking selfish?

Taking a deep breath and forcing it out, she felt as if all of her remaining strength left with it. Darcy could hear her shaky breaths and it annoyed the fuck out of her. 

“Bad day, huh?”

Her shoulders tensed at the sound. Of course. Inhaling once more to steady herself she slowly lifted her head, tried to make her lips curve into smile. She could see the moment Bucky took in the bags under her eyes, the hair that must have looked real fabulous now, and the hard lines around her mouth. 

He took a few steps and then stopped, eyes examining her face, then roaming the walls, his fingers curling into a loose fist. “You alright?”

He looked so uncomfortable that Darcy almost felt bad for being emotional. She snorted internally. To his question, she shrugged, “Just, yeah, just.. really bad day.”

Bucky shifted his weight from one leg to another, but his eyes were focused solely on her face now. “Do you...d’you need something?”

Darcy tilted her head to one side and squinted her eyes at the small crease between his eyebrows. His stubble was getting more beard-ish now, but it looked like someone shortened his hair. She sadistically wondered if he will miss her. 

“Movie?” her lips stretched into a smile, genuine this time. 

The slight relief that crossed his face was probably because he would have to pretend to have a stroke if she started crying. Her smile widened as she imagined it.

Glancing her way as he sank into the couch cushions on her side, Bucky smirked, “Two crunchy chocolate bars that I will guess the whole plot in the first 30 minutes.”

Darcy gasped, her eyes widening in mock horror, “You wouldn’t.” and he just lifted his brows, giving her a pointed stare. As they turned to face the screen, the corners of their mouths were already twitching.

She will miss him. 

 

 

She already expected that her late night talk with Jane wasn’t the end of it, but she didn’t expect this.

“Also, the program in Germany that’s currently being developed looks promising, seeing their statistics of succes..”

Darcy sat opposite Jane at her kitchen table, sipping tea and carefully observing her friend, as she rummaged through the piles of medical journals, folders and pages of researches. Jane came knocking on Darcy’s door at seven in the morning and they spent the last hour and a half like this. Jane was in her working mode and so far didn’t react to anything happening around her, only using Darcy as a sounding board.

Darcy didn’t know what to do. She knew that experimental treatment is not an option for her so Jane, being a doctor, must know that too. Maybe this is Jane’s way of dealing with the situation. 

The feeling of her insides being squeezed out of her came again. 

This was supposed to make it easier for everyone, not harder. Darcy frowned at her cold tea and then at Jane. Standing up, she went to the kitchen to get a glass of water and some of the cookies she baked yesterday and placed both on the small spot on the table that wasn’t covered in papers. 

“I’ll be back in a few a then we’re going for brunch,okay?”

Jane hummed, not looking up from the article she was reading. 

Sighing, Darcy grabbed her keys and went for the door. 

 

 

Knocking on the open door and immediately entering, Darcy caught Sam just as he was slipping into his lab coat. 

“Good, you’re here.”

Sam gave her a confused look, “Yeah, I work here. Coffee?”

“Sure, thanks,” she answered and sat down into the chair on one side of Sam’s desk, watching him pour two cups and add a splash of milk into both of them.

“How are you?” Sam asked as he sat down into his chair, “I went to visit you yesterday but you were kinda unconscious.” 

“Thanks. I’m fine, it wasn’t serious,” she answered, fingers tracing the rim of her mug. 

Sam took a sip from his own and opened his schedule, unsticking few post it notes from the pages, “So, I don’t think this is a social call, Darce. How can I help you?”

Darcy kept her eyes glued to her coffee and took a deep breath, “You help the dying patients, right. I mean help them and their families to, to cope.”

Lifting his eyes from the notebook, he frowned at her, “Yeah?”

“And I was just wondering…how can the- is there any way the patient can help? Like to sort of ease them into an acceptance or something?”

Sam put down his pen and looked Darcy straight in the eyes, “You’re not going to die, Darcy.”

Yeah, well.

“I’m just asking you a question and want you to answer me as a professional”

Sam’s eyes kept examining her for a few more moments, before he leaned back in his chair and let out a forced breath through his nose. 

“Right. Well, coping with the loss of a loved one is a very individual process. Generally, it is recognized that most people will follow the pattern of five stages of grief, but it’s not a rule. Also processing each stage can be very distinctive for each individual according to his nature, temperament, mental stability or closeness to the patient. Denial has many forms, same as anger and so on.”

“That’s very vague.”

Sam threw her annoyed look but continued, “In these situations, the focus tends to be on the ill person but it needs to be a two way street. Both sides are under extreme psychical pressure.  
The mourners in case of a lengthy and sure death of their close one have their grieving process aggravated by confusion, having to deal with grief while the patient is still living, so it tends to repeat itself.”

The squeezing feeling was back, pushing its way up Darcy’s chest. She cleared her throat, and tried to crack a joke,“So, basically the way to help is to die soon?”

Sam didn’t laugh, but folded his hand on the desk between them, leaning closer to Darcy, “There’s no right way to do this. You can only respect the way the people around you choose to grieve and let them know that you are there for them when they need it, just as they are there for you.” 

Darcy’s eyes shot to Sam’s. 

She slowly nodded and let out a feeble laugh, “Yeah, I guess that makes sense.” 

Sam looked at his interlaced fingers and then frowned at Darcy, “Darce, is there anything you want to tell me?”

Darcy thought about it. Then smiled and shook her head, “No. Thank you, Sam.”

Sam didn’t move, looking deep in thought as she got up to leave, only reacting as she turned back to say goodbye when she reached the door. 

“Oh, and Steve wanted me to invite you for the housewarming this weekend, if you’ll be cleared. My mum is coming to dinner today so I think he’s trying to focus on the good things.”

Darcy snorted, “Well good luck with that. And I’m totally coming this weekend.” She turned to continue her way out of the door, “Say hi at home for me, Sammy.”

“Will do.”

 

 

Darcy was knitting, her back leaning against the armrest of the couch, legs stretched in front of her, mirroring Bucky who was sitting opposite her, reading.

“I don’t like the one eyed guy.”

Darcy didn’t look up from her knitting and hummed, “I’m not giving anything away.”

He nudged her leg with one of his own. Darcy smirked.

“Hey, you going to the party at Casa de Rogers...Wilson?”

Bucky shrugged, “Steve invited me.”

She let her hands with the knitting needles fall into her lap, “You know that going to the party means leaving the hospital, right?” 

Sharp knock on the glass wall got their attention and Darcy turned in her seat to see what’s going on. On the other side of the glass was standing Natasha, pointing at her watch. “Wednesday,” she mouthed, and jerked her head in the general direction of the hospital with a questioning look. 

“Oh! Right, be right there.” she mimed back at Nat and jumped from her seat, dumping the knitting in her place. 

“You coming?” she turned to Bucky. 

“I don’t think that’s a great idea.” 

Darcy rolled her eyes and grabbed his hand, trying to pull him to his feet, “Yeah, you coming. Few games of ludo and everything will be happier.”

 

 

Maybe dragging him along wasn’t such a great idea. Darcy watched as Bucky moved along the edge of the room, his left side to the wall, eyes scanning the unfamiliar room full of strangers. He didn’t look scared or panicky, just ... wary? 

Skipping across the room to his side, she took his hand, “You good?”

At his nod, she smiled, “Come on, I’m gonna introduce you.”

She started walking, but his hand pulled her back. Darcy turned to him in confusion, but then he tugged at her hand, moving sideways a bit himself leading her to his left side. 

He gave her an unsure look, waiting. Her answer was a dazzling smile as she pressed herself closer to his armless side. 

“Stanley, Greta, this is James.”

The old man who was sitting in a big armchair, stooping over the chessboard didn’t look up, too absorbed in the game with himself, “Nice to meet you, young man,” then looked up as if remembering something, “Do you play chess?” 

It took a moment for Bucky to answer, “Badly.”

Stanley waved his hand, motioning to the chair opposite him, “You will do. I already know all Darcy’s moves,” he added with a pointed look at the girl in question and then turned back to Bucky, “Sit.”

Darcy stifled a laugh at the look on Bucky’s face as he sat down in the chair that has been offered to him and she perched herself on one of the armrest of Stanley’s chair. She turned to the small lady wrapped in several sweaters and sitting there in silence with smile on her face through the whole exchange. 

“And how are you, Greta?” 

“Not bad, darling. But the spring is colder this year, it’s no good for my joints.” she looked at Darcy’s shorts and t-shirt that were perfectly adequate for the 85 degrees that were happening outside, in late summer, “You should wear something warmer too. Your body will thank you in forty years.”

Darcy smiled, “I will, Gret, thank you.” 

She looked at Bucky, who was watching her with curiosity and not watching Stanley who was making his third move in a row.

Greta looked at Bucky as if noticing him for the first time and her eyes widened, “Oh! What happened to your arm?” 

Darcy froze. Not wanting to stress Bucky with her reaction her eyes stayed glued to the chess board. 

“Um,” Bucky shifted in his seat and she could feel his eyes on her. She looked up and smiled.

He cleared his throat and addressed Greta again, “I lost it.” 

Greta nodded in sympathy, “Yes. I lose things a lot too.”

Bucky’s eyes widened at the same time Darcy’s smile did before he let out a surprised laugh.

The old lady leaned back in her wheelchair and looked at him with serious expression, “My husband had both arms,” she nodded wisely, “But not half the looks you have, I will tell you that.”

Darcy almost choked on her own spit when Bucky’s eyebrows shot to his hairline. 

 

 

They were back in the common room, facing each other on the couch, sharing chocolate with strawberry filling.

“I hate this.”

“Well, it was in the vending machine, we had to try it!” she paused for a moment as she chewed, “Yeah, I hate it too.”

They went silent as Darcy nibbled on a small piece of the chocolate, trying to separate the filling from the rest, the chocolate melting in her hand.

Bucky watched her for a moment, shaking his head, “You’re ridiculous”

Darcy gave him a cheeky close-lipped smile, rolling the piece of chocolate in her mouth before all the chocolate melted from it and the spat the remaining filling into a tissue she pulled from her pocket, “Ha!” she laughed triumphantly.

Bucky chuckled and dropped his eyes to the opened package lying between them.

“It’s because I’m not like you.”

“Huh?” 

He shrugged, “Why I’m not keen to go outside. I’m not like you. Or Steve. I don’t see the best in everything. I remember how things looked before. When I could go for a run and didn't have to think about how to spread my weight so I don’t tip over to one side. Go for a beer with Steve and don't look for the fastest escape routes the second I entered a pub. It’s just different and I want to remember it the way it was _before_.”

Darcy was staring at him, not expecting any of that. When the words sunk in, she frowned.  
“It doesn't have to be a bad thing. Different can be good. I mean, seeing things from a new perspective - that can be exciting.” she reached out her hand and nudged his shoulder with one finger, “At least you are never bored, huh?”

She thought back to when she was diagnosed. How every little thing she ever did seemed so much more meaningful. It seemed so long ago. 

Bucky chuckled, “See, again. You’re irreparable optimist.”

She snorted, “Well, if you agree to go on a walk with me tomorrow, I will lend you some of it. Deal?”

“I don’t think it works that way.”

Darcy lifted her brows, “Deal?”

He seemed to regret it already, “Deal.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm obviously a big liar. I'm not going to bother you with the story of my creative constipation, but you guys, the struggle is real.
> 
> I wanted to get this chapter out, to let you know I'm alive, but I still feel like I'm presenting you a pile of hot mess.  
> I'm really busy now, so the next chapter probably won't be out before the end of June. After that, I expect great things from myself. (ha)
> 
> One little note: I really wanted to squeeze Thor in here, because I love him, but apparently my brain reached it's character capacity and I wouldn't be able to do him justice, so Thor's getting the Mrs Columbo treatment for now. I'm sorry. I hope he will appear in all his glory in the future - for now, just assume he's somewhere around (I'm so professional, right?).
> 
> So now enjoy and let me know what you think! Thanks for staying with me <3

Grocery shopping was one of the weirdest things Darcy enjoyed. Like really enjoyed. It was her weekly ritual, writing a detailed shopping list, reading thoroughly every label or feeling each piece of vegetable or fruit, examining it carefully. It was one of the few things she had control over. Walking through the rows of shelves in a supermarket or between the stands at her favorite farmers market, she felt like she was on a way from her normal work to her normal home, to chill with a glass of wine that she could actually drink. 

Looking now at Bucky, who was standing by the eggplants and looking mildly lost, she found she had a whole new appreciation for it. 

Despite all the brooding and complaining, he fell quite smoothly into the buzz of the streets. At first, It was awkward at best. She couldn’t stop talking, trying to reassure him - or maybe herself - and he didn’t talk at all, concentrating on scanning the crowds of people rushing back and forth around them. But by the fourth time he had to reach out and stop her from walking into the way of a car or a furious passerby, they found a comfortable balance - she chatted away, pointing out her favorite places, distracting him from his own mind and he listened, pulling her this and that way to navigate her through the streets he didn’t know anymore.

Now every time she found him with her eyes, he smiled back - as if he was expecting her to forget about him in the middle of the bustle and was surprised she thought about him. She gave him a small wave and turned back to picking out tomatoes. 

She’s gonna need maybe two more, and an onion, few carrots…where are the zucchinis - fuck! 

As Darcy turned to march to the next shelf before she forgot her mental shopping list, her right knee spasmed and then gave out. Not having time to even swear out loud, she grabbed onto the nearest person - someone who was currently trying to catch Darcy, her shopping basket and a stray tomato that was catapulted in the air - all with one arm. If Darcy had the time, she would maybe even snap a picture of the scene; Bucky’s shocked face, not to mention the low key annoyed faces of the other shoppers, and just at the edge of her peripheral vision the lone tomato soaring through the air to it’s freedom. 

As it was, she was pretty busy with tripping over her own foot and falling onto her ass. 

She had all the intentions of trying to keep at least some dignity, but seconds after her butt touched the ground, Bucky joined her amongst the scattered groceries, falling a victim to gravity and Darcy’s flailing arms. They stared at each other in shock for a few heartbeats, until Darcy let out an incredibly loud snort and quickly slapped the palm of her hand over her mouth. When she saw the small twitch in the corners of Bucky’s lips, a few more choking noises left her mouth, eventually turning into a full blown laughing fit. 

Through the tears of laugher, she looked at Bucky, who was sitting in the middle of her shopping, right hand still holding the edge of the now empty shopping basket, watching her choke on her own saliva with a wide smile on his face. 

When her laughter subsided, Darcy swiped the stray hair from her face and smiled at Bucky, “Well, thanks for trying anyway. I hope you got your lesson - when it’s me, there’s usually not much you can do to stop the inevitable.“

Bucky smirked, “I can still try.” His eyes quickly fell to his left side, “To be fair, I don’t think this is all on you, though.”

Rolling her eyes, Darcy put both feet flat on the ground in front of her, preparing to get up, “Oh no, trust me, it is.” reaching behind her to push herself from the ground, she put her weight onto her hands and immediately felt something soft and wet spreading under her palm. She brought the hand in question in front of her only to confirm her suspicion that yes, she found the escaped tomato and yes, it was smashed and dripping from her hand. 

Hearing a low chuckle, Darcy dragged her eyes from her soiled hand to Bucky, who obviously got his cheer back. Nodding his head in the direction of the mess, he kept chuckling, “I’ll admit, this was all you.”

She let out an amused sound of her own, but still narrowed her eyes, “You-”

“Darcy?”

Darcy turned in the direction of the voice addressing her, but given her placement on the ground, her eyes first made contact with a pair of sneakers then they followed the legs sticking from those shoes and up to the face that she knew that voice belonged to.

“Ian. Hi.”

She stretched her lips into the biggest smile she could summon, while her ex kept looking down on her in surprise. How fitting.

Looking around herself to make sure her surroundings are vegetable-free, she stood up and motioned in Ian’s general direction.

“What are you doing here? I mean - on this side of the ocean. It’s pretty obvious why would you be in a grocery store,” 

Ian’s eyes briefly slid in Bucky’s direction, before focusing on Darcy. He shifted from foot to foot and let out an uneasy laugh, “Right. Yeah. I’m actually visiting my fiancee for a few days, so...”

Darcy was nodding along to his sentence and her head kept moving up and down for probably longer than would be needed...and for longer than would be considered normal.

“Oh, right. Long distance, huh. Must be hard work, am I right?” The snort that came out of her mouth sounded a bit too bitter. Keep it light, keep it brief, Darce.

They stared at each other in very uncomfortable silence, the sounds of the radio playing in the background and the beeping of cash registers only making it more ridiculous. From the corner of her eye, Darcy noticed Bucky, who was now standing and quietly observing her, as if to trying to identify the look on her face, probably preparing to catch her if she decides to faint or to hold her back if she decides to punch Ian in the ear. Darcy herself was just contemplating if she should introduce them when Ian spoke again.

“I would contact you, but I wasn’t sure if you- if you were still…”

...If she was still alive. Charming. Darcy took a deep breath and looked at the groceries still scattered around. Time to bail.

Cutting his misery short, she gestured to the mess with her tomato hand, “Well, it was lovely to see you, but as you can see, I have an urgent matter to attend to, so...Goodbye, Ian.”

Thank God he got the hint and only managed a small smile with a “goodbye, Darcy,” before vanishing into the pasta aisle. Darcy turned to Bucky, who was intensely examining the lemon he was holding. 

“You know what,” she said, took the lemon out of his hand and laid it carefully on top of a painstakingly crafted pyramid of watermelons, “let’s totally leave this and bail, we can try our luck in the store two streets from here.”

Bucky didn’t even had a time to respond because she took his hand and took off, dragging him behind her. 

 

 

Pressing the door handle down with her elbow, Darcy shouldered the door to Jane’s office open, her hands holding two plates, two sets of cutlery held under her arm. 

“Stop everything, I come here bearing gifts,” she announced just as she pushed the door closed with her butt. Looking up, Darcy was greeted with the sight of Jane and Natasha, both sitting at Jane’s desk, hunched over Natasha’s tablet. 

“Oh great, you’re both here! Clear the table, your lunch is being served.”

Darcy’s eyes were fixed on the precious cargo she was holding but she still spotted as Natasha swiftly flipped the tablet’s case closed and folded her hands on the covered device. Deciding not to comment on it, Darcy placed the plates in front of the two doctors and removed the aluminum foil that’s been keeping the food warm.

Natasha examined the meal that was being presented to her and then slowly dragged her eyes from it to level Darcy with a distrustful stare, “Is this a bribe? Do you need something from us?”

Gasping, Darcy threw her arms in the air dramatically “Now you’ve done it. I’m never doing anything nice for anyone ever.” then she rolled her eyes and handed them the cutlery, “Eat, Suspicious Susan.” 

Jane, mindless of their antics, had already mouthful of the curry rice and was gesturing with her fork wildly, “She meant to say thank you, our graceful savior.” the petite doctor stuffed her face with another bite, “we didn’t have the chance to eat today yet.”

Smiling at her friend, Darcy perched herself on the edge of Jane’s work desk, “I thought as much, that’s why we made some extra for you.” 

“We?” inquired Nat as she pulled her plate closer and followed Jane’s example.

“Yeah, Bucky and I.” fishing in her back pocket for a bit, she pulled out a hair tie and slipped it on her wrist, “We are trying to find James’ new favourite food. It is gonna be a long and hard mission but we are unafraid in the face of this challenge.” Combing her fingers through her hair, she blindly parted the mass three ways and started skillfully braiding it. 

“So I bumped into Ian today,”

“Wha-” Jane started but immediately choked on a mouthful of rice. 

“Yep.” Darcy nodded.

Natasha looked between them, “Who’s Ian?”

Jane calmed down enough to wheeze, “Her ex.”

Darcy handed her a water bottle that was standing near her hip while Nat scrunched her brows in confusion.

“And what’s so shocking about that?”

Swallowing a mouthful of water, Jane pursed her lips, “Well firstly, he should be on the other side of the ocean, and secondly, he should know that I will punch him in the balls if he shows his face around here.”

Darcy sighed, “Don’t be so dramatic about it. He didn’t do anything wrong,” she paused for a second, “Except for, you know… being a chicken. But given the situation, you can’t really blame him.” 

“Oh yeah, sure can. I’m doing it right now.” was the deadpan answer.

Darcy smirked, “You little ray of sunshine.”

Natasha watched them for a moment before turning back to her meal, “You know what, I’m not gonna ask,” she mumbled, now with her mouth full again, “but just so you know, I’m feeling really left out.”

“Good. Now you know how the rest of us feels. All I know about you is your professional history and that you had to be a child at some point in your life. That’s literary it.”

As the redhead went to reply, Darcy’s eyes fell to her watch. Immediately a smile tugged at her lips and she interrupted her with a wave of the hand “I would like to talk about your emotional unavailability some more but I have some sightseeing around the city to do!” 

Natasha just rolled her eyes and Jane snickered into her plate before addressing Darcy, “I’ll see you tomorrow at Sam’s?”

Humming in affirmation, Darcy turned to leave only to be stopped after a few steps by Jane calling her name. 

“Yes?” she turned to face her best friend again, only to find her wearing the most un-Jane-like smirk.

“Say hi to James from me.”

 

 

Darcy looked at the blinking city lights in front of her. From the safe distance of the hospital roof, she almost couldn’t hear the sounds of life, honking cars and laughing partygoers. 

“And that shining penis over there? That’s where I lived most of my life.”

She looked back at Bucky, when she heard his chuckle, ”Tomorrow, we can go there and try to throw pebbles into my father’s window on the 47th floor.”

Walking away from the edge of the roof, she eased herself into the deck chair next to Bucky’s. They listened to the sound of sirens in the distance - getting louder quickly and then rapidly disappearing out of earshot again.

“What was it like?” 

Darcy turned her head to give him a teasing smile, “Living in a penis?” 

The corners of his eyes crinkled in amusement but he didn’t let himself get distracted. Taking a deep breath and turning her eyes back to the city below them, she shrugged, “It was okay.”

Darcy took her time before speaking again, but Bucky waited, watching her brow crinkle in thought. Then the corner of her mouth lifted, “I mean, my dad - he’s, he’s the best, really. And he does enjoy being rich but it never limited him. My childhood was the whole deal, coming home from the playground covered in mud, being grounded for skipping school and sneaking around with boys,” she snorted, “mind you, sneaking around is a lot harder when your home has it’s own security.” 

Bucky snorted, “After what I saw today, I’m surprised they didn’t watch you 24/7, just to make sure you don’t fall into a ditch.”

“Just so you know, that happened only two times,” she deadpanned, watching his wide smile from the corner of her eye. The sky was darkening quickly now and Darcy could see the light of a plane passing high above them, “Mum died when I was ten, so the worst possible time for a girl to be left with her dad - and vice versa I guess. But he was amazing, he was. Tackled every uncomfortable girly situation with pride,” she grimaced, “more or less.”

Not taking her eyes from the starless sky, she could hear more then see Bucky’s smirk, “Well, I think he did a damn good job, bringing you up.”

Darcy felt a small tug in her chest at that. Not being too keen on concentrating on it, she turned her head in his direction to chase it away with a quip, but stopped short when she noticed his thoughtful expression. 

“What?”

The steadying deep breath he took before answering was not calming from her point of view. “This may be as good time as any to tell you that I actually met your father.”

Her brows almost hid her eyes with the intensity she was scrunching them together. It may be a mildly surprising revelation but she didn’t see why that would be a reason for Bucky to avoid eye contact with her, which he was doing right now.

“Really? When?” 

Bucky shrugged, “A week ago?”

Darcy nodded, more confused than ever, “And you’re telling me just now in this dramatic fashion because?”

“Because he asked me if I wanted to participate in the testing of their new prosthetics.”

“Participate as in…”

“As a testing subject.” Bucky finished for her.

She wanted to know what was really going on in his head but his expression gave nothing away so she just bobbed her head again.

“And are you gonna do it?”

Only the fact that his whole body now seemed to relax into the chair made Darcy aware of the tension it was holding just moments before.

“Honestly?” he forced out a puff of breath, “I have no idea. Maybe? Kinda feels like it would be stupid not to. Not to take the chance to be again somewhat...me.” he let his head loll to one side to address her, “What do you think?”

Darcy immediately shook her head, “It's not my place to think anything. It's your decision to make and only yours.” 

Shifting in his chair to face her more comfortably, he rolled his eyes, “And I'm not asking you to make it for me, all I need is an honest opinion.”

“I’m serious. If you think it’s worth the risk, do it. Or don’t. But whatever it will be, you should be absolutely sure. Absolutely,” the last word was muttered in thought and hung in the air for a minute before Darcy spoke again, ”Though - you should know that you _are_ you now. And if my dad will successfully crazy-scientist you an arm, you will be you _then_.” she turned her gaze up to the sky again, her tone more playful now, ”And if it counts for something, I will hang out with you, arm or no arm.” 

She kept her eyes peeled upwards, hoping he could hear the sincerity in her words. There was no response but she could feel the side of her face getting warm from his intent gaze. Clearing her throat, Darcy reached beside her chair into her tote bag, blindly found what she was looking for and smiled.

“So, chocolate?”

 

 

Sitting on a couch in the spacious living area of Steve and Sam’s apartment, Darcy was currently observing Steve as he enthusiastically presented the benefits of remote control blinds to similarly enthusiastic Thor. She glanced across the room to the kitchen to catch Sam’s gaze, but he was too busy watching his boyfriend with actual hearts in his eyes. 

Darcy sighed and took a sip from her glass. She was so happy for them. Making something of their own, excited for the future. 

She was roused from her thoughts as Jane sank into the cushion next to her with an awed expression, “Did you see the bathroom? We could all would fit into that bathtub.”

“Yeah, there’s two of them. They _need_ that space,” Darcy waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Jane snorted and leaned further back in her seat, “Will you and James need a ride later?”

“Probably not. I think I will walk and Bucky’s staying here tonight.”

“Staying here?” asked Jane, her words turning into a yawn halfway through.

“Hmm. According to Sam it’s supposed to be a monitored adaptation to an unfamiliar environment, but I think it’s just for Steve to make sure Bucky’s gonna be fine when he’s released.” Darcy drained her glass and smiled when she spotted Sam giving Steve a soft peck on the temple as he passed him his drink.

“You didn’t tell me what happened with Ian yesterday.”

Darcy rolled her eyes, “Nothing, I talked to him for like five seconds.” She got up, prompting Jane to follow her. Walking into the kitchen, she took out a can of soda out of the fridge, rolling her eyes again when she took notice of Jane, standing there with her arms folded across the chest, one eyebrow lifted defiantly. 

“Ok, he has a fiancee.”

Jane immediately frowned, “That’s bothering you? I thought you were over him-”

Darcy waved her off, “Of course I’m over him, don’t be ridiculous. But he has a fiancee _here_.” She unhelpfully gestured to the general space they were occupying, but Jane got the meaning and her stance softened.

“Oh, Darce.”

“Don’t take me wrong, I never blamed him for taking the easy way out. He had the decency to lie and hide behind a job offer in London he just had to take. We both knew long distance wasn’t the dealbreaker here,” she run her fingers through her hair and took a deep breath, “me and my baggage were. And it kinda sucks to know that for sure.”

Walking the few steps across the room, Jane leaned against the counter next to Darcy, “But that’s not _your_ problem, you know that right? He’s that asshole who left his girlfriend of two years when she needed him the most and wasn’t even able to be honest about it.” She sighed and shook her head incredulously, “I mean… he’d run to another continent.”

Darcy’s lips twitched, “I never said he wasn’t an asshole.” She turned to the counter to finally pour herself some soda, but stopped short, “You know what, today’s a special occasion, one glass of wine won’t kill me...hopefully.” She opened a few cupboards to look for wine glasses, but Jane shook her head and pointed a warning finger in Darcy’s direction.

“I’m going to skip tonight, and you’re not drinking either.”

Darcy threw her head back dramatically and groaned, ”But I hoped you would get at least buzzed and make Natasha uncomfortable with your drunken affections.”

Jane chuckled and pushed her out of the kitchen.

 

 

After promising to literally everyone to let them know she arrived safely, Darcy slowly made her way home. Or what she called home. Her head was starting to throbb, but the night was so lovely.

Seeing everyone at ease and content tonight made her ridiculously happy. Everything just slid into place perfectly. Sam had Steve and Jane had Thor, and she was never even worried about Natasha, and Bucky… He’ll be soon released and free to start a new life. He will do brilliantly, Darcy was sure of it.

Which left one person. And thinking about that, well, that hurt as fuck. Maybe he could understand. Maybe he will kill her himself. Darcy stopped in her tracks and stared ahead. 

She hated this. Fuck she _hated_ this.

Taking a deep breath and forcing it angrily out, she wiped a stray tear from the corner of her eye.

Turning on the spot, Darcy fixed her gaze upon the shining lights of the Stark Tower and started walking towards her true home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's kinda late at night/early in the morning here and I can hardly keep my eyes open, so mistakes may be more frequent and I'm sorry!


End file.
